1. farting old man's wife

    AHHHH yes I love the smell of Paula’s alcoholic breath in my face!! SO Sweet!!

  2. Simon! Simon! Do your best Paula impression!

  3. Is that his Ryan Seacrest impression?

  4. it had to be said

    “I’m high as hell, bitches!”

  5. wtf


  6. Racist MoFo

    Rook! Me make fun of sirry Asians! ♫ Dinga dinga ding ding ding ding dong ♫

  7. Fester

    Cowell: “I now comprehend the brilliant irony of The Green Hornet, which is that you would never ever hire an Asian guy to be your chauffeur. “Hey Green Hornet, there’s bad guy. Now I drive real slow with turn signal on. Joke’s on him, we’re not turning!”

  8. D-chi

    U mad?

  9. The Brown Streak

    Bud Bundy finally got laid.

  10. Moobs McGee

  11. cc

    He just went over to thank the two people who still watch X-Factor.

  12. Invisible bitch slap.

  13. Johnny P!

    “I’ve read when you’re middle-aged tilting your head back for photos makes your face look younger.”
    Yes, Simon, your face! NOT your neck!!!

  14. Someone switched his Diet Coke with Paula’s.

  15. squishy

    Forever moooooobed!! Twat!!

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