1. I swear it could talk before you stuck the microphone next to it.

  2. Keno

    I’ve heard of live bait before, but this is ridiculous.

  3. He has to resort to prayer to keep his hands off dat ass. As an atheist, I don’t have that problem.

  4. ThisWillHurt

    “I keep da holee ladee ne-ah mah cahk just in case, y’know, I feel like touchin’ may cahk. As soon as I reach fo-ah mah cahk, da little ladee goes ‘Eh! You gonna touch yah cahk? You ain’t supposed tah touch yah cahk! It’s fuckin’ retahdid! Retahds do dat!’ Then I don’t touch mah cahk.”

  5. Jesus Christ, this motherfucker. Wacko.

  6. Mohawk Disco

    I am a star! I’m a star, a star, a star. I am a big, bright shining star!

  7. He could just pinch it on both sides and stretch it like the rest of us

  8. Hugh G. Rection

    I didn’t realize there was such a thing as a four pack

  9. Oh, he has a nipple chain too?

  10. When your St Christopher medal dangles by your taint, it means you really love Jesus. Like really, really love Jesus.

  11. “Rosary beads!…I thought these were ben wah balls!

  12. I don’t know, with a fishing lure that close to his treasure trail, I’m thinking he’s looking to hook a sucker.

  13. ‘Oh no, that’s not a rosary, that’s just the eyeballs of all the little Vietnamese babies I’ve blinded. And a St. Christopher medal in case I lose my keys, because losing your keys really sucks.’

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