1. “Look, I swear. I just got the script for the next American Pie. I can totally pay you in a couple of weeks. Maybe a blowjob now?”

  2. She finally got a job in a sweat shop making shit for real celebrities.

  3. Designer barf bag?

  4. “Look. If she DIDN”T want me to vomit up this mornings bottle of vodka in her purse she never would have left it near me.”

  5. They promised my toes would be done by 3 this afternoon with nail polish. These fucking amateurs.

  6. One of these things is not like the others.

  7. “Oh, and can I get some hot and spicy dog to go, too?”

  8. I am NOT high! And I did NOT steal your nail polish remover! Here, look in my bag.

    • Sadly all they found was the corpse of a tiny dog dead several months and 20 signed copies of “Josie and The Pussycats” that she uses to try and barter for goods and services.

  9. Icehawg

    Don’t feel bad Tara, they always search Winona and Lindsay too when they leave a store.

  10. “No, no, please leave, we have no job here!”

  11. “It’s made from my own excess skin…why do you ask?”

  12. JimBB

    We no can help you! Those not nails, they scabs!!

  13. She’s not getting her nails done, she’s selling a kidney on the black market. Not her kidney, obviously. No one would pay good money to get Hep C.

  14. “Look…All you gotta do is get me a cup of water, mix in these nail care products and let me start a tab!’

  15. “Suck your cock for a thousand dollars…Your friends can’t watch,or they’ll have to pay a hundred.’”
    “Get outta my Store!”

  16. “Alright…Which one of you ate my little Chihuahua?”

  17. The lady in violet is nice. Better looking than Tara-fu**ing-Reid.

  18. Helena Handbasket

    “I’ll have a glass of your finest acrylic, with a side shot of polish remover, please.”

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