“And then I said, THIS IS SPARTA!!!! and that was the last time I was relevant.”
The Amazing Carnac: I see you leaving right after you give me a blowjob.
“I see you… I see you in… a…. Weight Watchers commercial…”
You know when your boss tells you a ridiculously boring story about what he did on the weekend, or the time he hit this perfect drive with his golf buddies, or the time he met inspirational speaker MisterWhatever? And then you had to stand there and listen to it for fear of being fired? THAT’s her face!
You can almost see her head nodding.
Him: So you’re gonna be like, ‘IT’S TOO BIG!! IT’S TOO BIG!!’
Her: Uh-huh. Don’t think so.
“I want you to put a sign up over your closet that says, in big letters like this: DON’T WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY!”
” then , you drink about a pint of vodka , aaaaaaand then I ravage you with great appetite!”
I wanna rock THIS BIG for Christmas!
“… and then I put my face up to that strange hole in the bathroom wall and you will NOT believe what happened …”
Gere But likes his “drinky drinky”.
So there I was on the balcony, and I saw this paparazzi, so I hawked up a really heavy loogie and spat it right at him, and the paparazzi was all like, whoa!
Really, this was his exact face when my phlegm hit his camera….true story
She’s pretty hot. Reminds me of Kristina Rose.
I see you as my spokesmodel for “Gerard Butler’s Hair Socks!” And YES, I am wearing them right now!
“Great story, Mr. Perry. Now, can I get a part on your new sitcom?”
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