Matt Damon and Gwyneth Paltrow in Venice, Italy. (September 3, 2011)
“Must… not… punch… her”
How about a short sharp shove into the water?
^ that’s good although I say he should use the paddle to knock her out via Talented Mr Ripley style. And then take her identity. Nobody will be able to tell the difference except for the fact that Gwyneth would suddenly become smarter and less pretentious. Now imagine how much better Avengers would be with Matt Damon as Pepper Pots.
“Seriously Matthew….I don’t know why I try! And don’t even get me STARTED on Parmalat milk…”
“If the world could just try to be more like me, it would be a so much happier place.”
He is a good actor. He’s looking at her and she’s not being strangled.
“You see, Matt, the hydrangea represents devotion and understanding, neither of which are qualities I possess. Therefore it is anathema to my existence, and that of my bestie, Madge. Her rejection of the flower was only logical.”
I’m in tears. That’s fucking hilarious!
So I said “Tony darling, you simply must dabble in sustainable fish and dawdle in the consumption of eggs” and you know, by jove, I think he got it!
…and then I’ll take your balls in my hand like this…
And Matthew, they informed me I must wait five minutes for a root touch-up!!
This photo has been Photoshoped, or they have a makeup man and lighting guy in the background, I don’t know, but it just looks a little bit too sharp.
Who is the stuck-up chick with President Eisenhower?
No…I…no…I think your shit does stink. Hear me out on this one…
“Maybe if I shave HER head, she’d finally shut up!”
The makeup department really dropped the ball on the Talented Mr. Ripley sequel.
“… And thats why, Matt, Coldplay is better than the Boston Red Sox.”
I just fucking can’t stand fishsticks paltrow. She’s an utter WASTE OF FLESH. and riches. I’d do so much better with it than her and her billion dollar shitters and bookshelves.
“… and that’s why, Jason Bourne would survive and my children would perish. Your shitty character agreed to eating frozen fish sticks. See, that’s where me and Chris draw the line: we’d all rather DIE.”
“It’s just this….air! It’s like Mario farted in a jar and sold it to me for $500,000,000,000….but you’re not Black enough to completely understand that, M.”
Matt had hair when this conversation started.
I’ll take “Intelligent conversations that never happened” for $300, fish.
“So you see, Matt, that’s why I believe the human race to be inferior to me.”
“So that is why I was the only person in the world that wasn’t surprised when Beyonce announced she was pregnant. Can you believe that? I mean Beyonce thought so much of me to make me the first person to know about her baby! Oh and Matt, call me if you need to know all the cool places in Paris to eat. I am known for knowing these things.”
“Not only did he forget to bring my non-fat, organic, vegan, gluten-free dressing on the side, he actually looked me in the eyes to apologize. IN THE EYES, MATT! I’m going to need a unicorn-marrow facial every day for a month to get my chakras back in line. Plebeians nowadays…”
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