1. “Fairground Stripper” HAHAHAHAHA

  2. Johnny P!

    “Hard Candy”.
    The kind old people clack against their dentures at matinees…

    • Neo

      Yeah, that bowl of hard Christmas candy, that is all stuck together, on my granny’s coffee table. Good choice for name. *shiver*

    • Bianca

      Werther’s Original and those stale mints that look like moth balls.

    • Blech

      “Hard Candy”. Maybe she’s fantasizing about a different kind of candy that she still believes gets hard for her…

  3. Man, she’s really going on the offense to disprove Elton’s comments…

  4. El Jefe

    Stop raiding Lourdes’s closet already woman.

  5. Perplexity

    Her health club, appropriately, opens in Moscow. I would say it was a converted gulag, but all they did was change the paint scheme.

  6. EricLr

    Good to be here at the opening of Hard Candy. Hey, speaking of hard candy–have you seen my ovaries lately? [rimshot]

    Hey, speaking of rimshots…

  7. A better name might have been Day Old Bread.

  8. Elton John said yesterday that she looked like a stripper. Uh, no, Elton. Not any one I’ve seen. Where do you even go to see strippers over 50?

  9. kimmykimkim

    I thought this was going to be Kesha or someone not 80 years old.

  10. lily

    god i cant stand grandmas who try to dress like 20somethings

  11. The caption should read, “Madonna opening her luxury fitness club, Hard Stools, in Moscow.”

  12. it had to be said

    Her leotard has saggy arms. Wait, that’s really her forearm? (Pukes)

  13. Those damn thumbnails are misleading. I thought it was Paris Hilton or any other random blonde chick.

  14. Tiger

    Taylor Momsen’s classy grandma.

  15. The Brown Streak

    Spokesmodel for HepC?

  16. Joe

    BRB, fairground.

  17. Hard Candy. I can think of at least two things wrong with that name.

  18. SonoCriCri

    Yeah, I’m a hard candy too..if you can’t swallow me then suck me!

  19. Bionic_Crouton

    This is the opposite of a good idea.

  20. I call bullshit. This whole “luxury fitness club in Moscow” is a cover for her trying to steal the secret of how they keep Lenin so fresh and vibrant-looking.

  21. Urvag

    I wish she had a de-veining machine to go with her anti aging one. That arm makes me want to puke.

  22. Neo

    Rough Russian translation of “Hard Candy” = “Saggy Prune” (?)

  23. I think she’s finally ready for the crazy old bag lady lipstick-around-the-mouth look, it’s the next logical step…

  24. Ass Wort

    Grow up grandma dynomite!

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