1. I guess the douche visa is a real thing…

  2. It's Always Sunny in Atlanta

    He probably went down there to buy semen for Mila’s toilet seat, because I still refuse to believe she’s seen his penis

  3. Ronaldo

    Get the hell out of here and never come back

  4. Brazil is way too close to my country for me to be comfortable with this.

  5. JimBB

    “How am I going to look my wife and kids in their eyes tonight knowing I could have stopped this????”

  6. “Do you swear to be a douche, a total douche, and nothing but a douche?”

    “I do.”

  7. dontkillthemessenger

    At least he has money. What’s Rachel Bilson’s excuse?

  8. “Ashton!…Wait up!”
    “Sorry Topher. I don’t want you to stop working and I’ve got a plane to catch.”

  9. Dammit! He’s getting out of Brazil before he had a chance to wear that ‘Ich ❤ Deutschland’ t-shirt I sent him.

  10. The Brown Streak

    How many goals you think Germany’s going to score against Brazil? Four? Oh, you’re so cray cray, Ashton…

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