“I know, right? It just makes no sense! I can’t figure out why the keep sticking me in movies either.”
The lunatics are in my head
And, no matter what I do, they KEEP GIVING ME ROLES!
“The pie REALLY was soooo good!”
“Then it hit me. Holy Crap I can’t act!”
“And yeah, wow, Anderson Cooper. I mean, I used to jerk off to that guy. So like, what does that make me?”
So I punch him in the face, next thing I know I’m running away with this stroller with a melon in it, the cops are chasing me… wait, what was the question?
Clearly I remember picking on the boy. Seemed a harmless little fuck. Oh, but we unleashed a lion. Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady’s breast. How could I forget?
I fucking LOVE Pearl Jam!
“It’s crazy, they wait 3 weeks to go see Promethius but see Spider-man day 1 ? It blows my mind ! “
It took her 7 years to leave Tom?!!!
“Nope, still can’t smell my own farts.”
“So while I’m lying in bed, these ideas just come to me…James Franco sneakers…a James Franco line of restaurants…James Franco deoderant for women…that was a good one…”
“Uh, Mr. Franco? Mr. Franco? Everyone left an hour ago. The Shriners’ Ball is in two hours and we need to reset the room, so for the last time, could you PLEASE shut the fuck up and get off the stage?”
“I’ve been trying to work this through my head too…so I showed up for auditions saying I have played green arch villains before and I can totally rock a lizard suit. That didn’t pan out and so I instantly went into a great impression of William Defoe and that didn’t fly either. So I hung upside down from a lighting bar and asked Andrew to kiss me and that totally worked! I’m playing Terrified Customer #4.”
I keep tellin’ ’em, “I’m not James fuckin’ Dean, ok?” and these people, they don’t fuckin’ listen.
Franco auditions for “Scanners II”.
… “I just kept shaking Spider-man saying ‘You Killed My Father… You killed My Father!’ He dropped his candy and ran. Weirdest Halloween ever!”
That is the look of a man who believes his own bullshit.
“So then I just ad libbed ‘Dopest dope you’ve ever smoked’…I don’t know, it just came out of me and I blew my own mind. Of course, we had to delay shooting for 2 weeks and neither Seth or Lumberg will even look at me anymore…but what are you gonna do? C’est la vie, I guess…”
“And just like that, BOOM, the water shot up my ass, and that is when I knew I made the right choice by eating that corn last night! It’s those nights of toilet water up your ass that make you glad to be alive.”
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