Did he get his hair from a lego person, or is that shoe polish applied directly to the skull?

she’s trying to avoid a brown stain on the back of her dress.

Weiner to close

I thought he was a bottom.

It must be tiring to be bisexual…..wanting to fuck & be fucked by EVERYBODY.

Seems tense. You know what’s good for that?

John, I know you’re gay, but please pretend you’re not for a second, and pose for the camera.

“Keep that away from there! I’m not one of your masseurs!”

Give up the act…

I’ve seen Julianne Hough and Ryan Seacrest look more comfortable in pictures.

“We do it like this, to eliminate as much of the icky girl factor as possible. Sometimes I wear a baseball cap and everything!”

This must be an important premiere. He Busted out the fancy wig AND the fancy beard.

Even Twilight is a better love story than this.

A whole lotta ass-fuckery going on

What a waste of a fine woman.

Kelly, you break my heart…

Too easy.

This video makes so much sense now.

“Este pene es mío!”

Every butthole here is in danger

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher acted all kissy-kissy touchy-feely just after the hot tub cheating, too. Of course.

Truth is that her right hand is reaching back trying to feel for his wallet: gotta make sure he’s gonna pay up for this fake photo op.

That’s one woman who will never have to worry about her husband coming home drunk and wanting anal. She’s a woman, get it ?

Kelly: Oh, John! Is that a phone in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

John: It’s a phone.

This not-at-all awkward or forced pose should go a long way to dispelling those gay rumors.

Joke writes itself.

Alex – what is a position I have never tried…..with my wife?

Oh John, please not in the ass again.

“Not in the butt John. I know where that thing’s been.”

Anybody else seeing this here…? Green skin, couple of neck bolts, same hair…

“Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you looking at Alexander Skarsgard?”

This pose is known as the Scientologists railgun. Let ‘er rip, John.

Did someone draw the hair on his head with a marker pen?

I’m extraordinarily pleased that her dress matches his tie.

Is that a Thetan in your pocket, or are you happy to… goddammit it’s another Thetan.

She’s giving him the porno tap-out.

Travolta looks like Fido’s ass…has he turned zombie?

Check out his new book, “Glamouring Hot Women: What Gay Vampires Everywhere Need To Know”

“Whoa whoa whoa, keep that thing away from me. I have a lady butt.”

You’re not fooling anyone Travolta, least of all Kelly…

This looks about as natural as Courtney Stodden

Someone posed two mannequins and took a photo of them?

Yes, they do look a bit…awkward.

“See? See? I told you that I like berginas.”