I bet his contracts these days have a “Mr. Cruise must not be put near a heat source or open flame” clause.

When I’m rich I’m going to have a black man to open my zip and a midget like that to change channels on the TV

Someday… Someday soon, Xenu will give me the power of normal height…

“Thaaaaat’s it Shaquille, now scratch a little more to the left, then it’s my turn”

“Yep, smooth as a dress store mannequin”

So Will Smith is in the movie too?

He’s looking into the eyes of his 5’8″ co-star.

His gay date, Thing from the Addams Family, would remember this date for the rest of his life!

Everyone is pointedly looking away from this mid day handjob.

When he told the surgeon he wanted it to be long and black, that wasn’t what he had in mind.

does he need the wiggle to get beamed to the mothership?

In every picture like this there is always some sneaky black guy in the foreground copping a feel.

“Hey Travolta, your move.”

Tom Cruise’s illegitimate son looks on in the background

John Travolta should wash his hands, at least.

Balls

Well, now I know what “look, it’s Superman!” is code for.

“Mr. Cruise, you sho ’bout this ‘intensity knob’ bisness?”
“Shut up and keep adjusting; I need it for the scene!”

Let me get that for you sir.

Looks like someone L’s TC’s C.

Think unsexy thoughts…think unsexy thoughts…

In every picture, there is a Scientology created clone who will eventually take your place, who’s saying it with his eyes.

“OK, Katie. I’ll remember to stop for bread and milk…”

So, is this like a sequel to Top Gun, where Maverick is now 50 and has a black guy adjust his package occasionally? Cause that’s what this looks like to me

Maria Shriver should really keep her hands to herself

Not a woman to be found for miles.