1. EricLr

    I bet his contracts these days have a “Mr. Cruise must not be put near a heat source or open flame” clause.

  2. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    When I’m rich I’m going to have a black man to open my zip and a midget like that to change channels on the TV

  3. Someday… Someday soon, Xenu will give me the power of normal height…

  4. rican

    “Thaaaaat’s it Shaquille, now scratch a little more to the left, then it’s my turn”

  5. “Yep, smooth as a dress store mannequin”

  6. The Pope

    So Will Smith is in the movie too?

  7. Ladypants

    He’s looking into the eyes of his 5’8″ co-star.

  8. MarkM

    His gay date, Thing from the Addams Family, would remember this date for the rest of his life!

  9. Everyone is pointedly looking away from this mid day handjob.

  10. The Brown Streak

    When he told the surgeon he wanted it to be long and black, that wasn’t what he had in mind.

  11. me

    does he need the wiggle to get beamed to the mothership?

  12. In every picture like this there is always some sneaky black guy in the foreground copping a feel.

  13. “Hey Travolta, your move.”

  14. justin

    Tom Cruise’s illegitimate son looks on in the background

  15. cc

    John Travolta should wash his hands, at least.

  16. Geoff Patterson


  17. Blech

    Well, now I know what “look, it’s Superman!” is code for.

  18. “Mr. Cruise, you sho ’bout this ‘intensity knob’ bisness?”
    “Shut up and keep adjusting; I need it for the scene!”

  19. Contusion

    Let me get that for you sir.

  20. oldfool

    Looks like someone L’s TC’s C.

  21. Think unsexy thoughts…think unsexy thoughts…

  22. CanadiaDan

    In every picture, there is a Scientology created clone who will eventually take your place, who’s saying it with his eyes.

  23. “OK, Katie. I’ll remember to stop for bread and milk…”

  24. Swearin

    So, is this like a sequel to Top Gun, where Maverick is now 50 and has a black guy adjust his package occasionally? Cause that’s what this looks like to me

  25. cutthecrap

    Maria Shriver should really keep her hands to herself

  26. BostonBruin

    Not a woman to be found for miles.

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