superficial

  1. “Loni Anderson, meet Dirk Diggler. Now lets get these clothes off.”

  2. Josephus

    “Say hello to ya motha for me.”

  3. I think the giraffe has had work done.

  4. JennywithaY

    Most people would probably get mad about someone tying the giraffe’s mouth shut and putting a stupid bow tie collar on its neck, but I happen to know that he is a HUGE fan of 50 Shades of Grey, and this was actually part of his contract.

    Besides, I can’t imagine a worse torture than having to converse with Mark Whalberg and Burt Reynolds.

    Devil’s threesome indeed.

  5. amanda seyfried

    You would assume that Spike could afford a better taxidermist.

  6. Meshugga Tits

    Totally thought it was Sarah Jessica Parker with freckles and pigtails from the thumbnail.

  7. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you have a great big cock.”
    “Heh, well, I don’t know, I guess so.”
    “May I see it?”
    “Really?”
    “Yes.”
    “…thank you, Eddie.”

  8. Eddie Adams: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y’know?

    Jack Horner: Yeah?

    Eddie Adams: I was wondering if you had any ideas.

    Jack Horner: I’ve got a few, but you tell me.

    Eddie Adams: Well, my idea was, y’know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y’know, razor sharp.

    Jack Horner: Tell me.

    Eddie Adams: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign – it just blows up because the name is so powerful… It says, “Dirk Diggler.”

  9. “I understand why I’m here. And I understand why you’re here, Mark. But what I don’t understand is why Julia Roberts is here!”

  10. Burt’s face has the look of a man who’s hearing the story of “How I would have taken down the hijackers” for the 11 billionth time.

  11. Jerkface

    Giraffe: “Dad, is that you”?

  12. Apparently it’s required that all celebrities over 70 be chaperoned by younger celebrities, just so they don’t get lost.

  13. Please tell me PETA showed up and threw water on Burt, his face melted off and Marky Mark peed his pants and squeeeeeed like a girl.

  14. “I asked the producers to set me up with a tall date, but this is ridiculous.”

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