1. Is that cum? On your glasses?

    You’re goddamn right it is.

  2. He just can’t face the fact that he’s bald

  3. Good Lord, I can understand the wig, but why a fake soul patch also, a creepy one at that?

  4. dontkillthemessenger

    No, John… I haven’t considered a career as a Masseur.

  5. “Yeah baby, after this I’m heading over to Super Cuts for a trim. My toupee has gotten so bushy.”

  6. henri hill

    Hair today, gone tomorrow…

  7. That hairpiece is *undetectable*…from orbit.

  8. They got the same shit in Europe that we have here, just a lil different.


    For example, over there they don’t call a hairpiece a hairpiece.

    What do they call it?

    Le toupée.

    Le toupée!

    What do they call a closeted gay man?

    Hey, I asked you not to bring that shit up….

  9. He’s still got style – those sunglasses are all the rage for middle school girls!

  10. JimBB

    Never expected to see him in the sunlight.

  11. Swearin

    “Good evenink. You are so young and full of life, such vitality. I vant to suck your…vell, you know…”

  12. He should make a Battlefield Earth 2. It can’t be any worse than his hairpiece.

  13. gumbypokey

    It’s not the insecurity or vain denial that surprises me. It’s the fact that anyone can have the patience to sit through a procedure where 50,000 hairs are plugged into your scalp.

  14. Slappy Magoo

    Come on John it’s not such a hard question…when was the last time you had straight sex?

  15. blerg

    My Douche turns up to 11

  16. Vlad

    You would think with a religion named what it is named they would have some actual scientists that could perfect a better hairpiece.

  17. Suit by Versace
    Underwear by Calvin Klein
    Hair by 3M

  18. That’s no soul patch, that’s a landing strip for tiny penises that could Cruise by at any time.

  19. journalschism

    The long-awaited sequel to Face/Off is “Lacefront.”

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