“N-no… I’m not trying to hug you! Hold me, I’m having a s-stroke! “
“I know you stole my pudding, Joel. If you give it back now, it’ll be the end of this.”
Mike’s still pissed about the Nipple Suits, too.
Michael: “Joel! Joel! I’m telling you, it’s the “Monte Christo” AWARDS. This ain’t no deli!”
Joel: ” I don’t give a fuck, Michael, I’m starvin’! Will someone get me a goddam sammich over here?!?”
“Nothing but old guys and black chicks. Just like back in ’68, amirite?!”
“Joel, you want to TELL ME WHY THE FUCK WE’RE MAKING OUT ON A VERTICAL COUCH?! AT AN AWARDS GALA OF ALL PLACES??!”
Every day is a step closer to the day I can dance in their graves.
well this is what happens when you tell Bob “Batman”Kane you don’t know shit about Batman and then throw him off the set.
“I know it’s you, John Wayne! Stop fucking with me!”
Why do all old white dudes all look the same?
“Joel, get the fuck out of that sarcophagus. You aren’t dead yet.”
stealing his life force
Is that you Willie Shoemaker? I remember when I bet on you at Santa Anita.
“No, Michael… garlic!”
“Garlic? You sure? Try again.”
“Michael I swear to God, it’s garlic.”
“It can’t be… there was no garlic on my sub. How about now?”
“Jesus Michael… it’s garlic… GARLIC!”
“I don’t get it. It has to be onions. I had the BMT with EXTRA onions. I always get onions… and onions only as my topping.”
“Please Michael… I HAVE to go…”
“Damnit Joel, NOT until we figure this out. If Catherine smells anything but onions she’ll freak the fuck out! You don’t know what it’s like… HEY… maybe it was that new guy behind the counter. Maaaaybe he doesn’t know how I like my subs… even though I told that little bastard that I wanted onions. Hey… smell again…”
“MY GOD Michael what is wrong with you? Let go of my arm.”
“Tell me it’s onions, Joel!”
“Fine! It’s onions… now let me go!”
“I don’t believe you.”
Probably one of the stupiderer comments I’ve read, but dammit it made me laugh!
Michael mistakes Joel Shumacher for Joe Lovemaker.
Come on Joel, let’s go get some pea-soup.
“I thought you were dead!”
“Dear God, I thought YOU were dead!”
“JESUS… I THINK WE’RE BOTH DEAD!”
“Sorry bud. Didn’t mean to shoot ya. I thought Abe Vigoda rose from the dead again.”
“I’m telling you Joel, greed is good!”
“You’re lucky Schumacher, next time the walls won’t be padded.”
Hell of a driver for an old guy.
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Michael Douglas and Joel Schumacher at the 12th Annual Monte Cristo Awards in New York City. (April 16, 2012)