1. buy Chelsea’s new book! *dignity not included*

  2. Once your face turns ruddy and bloated, it may be time to quit with the alcohol and focus on the drugs.

  3. Smapdi

    “What do you mean by ‘I am to comedy what Olivia Munn is to acting’?”

  4. JimBB

    Ms. Handler, could you possibly tell us some more stories about all your rich and famous friends? Because we just don’t get any of that on your show.

  5. She wrote a book about how a 50 year old keeps telling people she’s not even 40.

  6. lawn

    “What’s that? Vodka is here? Vodka wants to talk to me?”

  7. Definitely not a morning person. She is getting puffy in the face. Not surprising for a lush like her.

  8. crb

    Bitch-coated-bitch with a solid-bitch center and a bitched-cream topping with a bitch-cherry on top.

  9. I used to think she was kind of attractive. Then my doc upped my dosages and I’m alright now.

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