superficial

  1. MOVE: Sideburn forest chop…

  2. Asians will take pictures of anything….anywhere.

  3. MILF

    Kim’s in the bushes! Where’s the hunky black co-star?

  4. Fucking tomatoes.!

  5. I hope he doesn’t get stung by any SHA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BEES, BEES

  6. Caile

    Welcome To The Jungle Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, the fifth straight to DVD movie by the actor shot entirely on an iPhone.

  7. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    Couldn’t be Galaxy, Eve? Or HTC? Oh, no, it had to be Apple.

  8. I have to say, at 51, those sinews on his arms are pretty impressive. The “sinews” around his midsection, however…

  9. Bonky

    I am told the budget for this movie is in the thousands of dollars.

  10. The Pope

    The Situation was disappointed in this photo of Jean Claude Van Damme whacking off.

  11. Little Tongue

    Not seen on this picture: a very big jungle creature, having his foreskin tugged at by ‘stache man.
    Prediction: this will end in a blood or semen bath, depending on the degree of horniness of said creature.

  12. cc

    Jack and the Beanstock is gonna be the best gay porno ever!

  13. ChickenHawk

    He’s in good shape for a 1890s lumberjack…

  14. terdferguson

    Danny Trejo?

  15. Not pictured: camo action-fluffer.

  16. He doesn’t look very Tanaka to me.

  17. Lemmy Kilmister: Action Hero

  18. Frank The Duck

    “Can’t a guy go into the woods for a dump without the paps taking a picture?”

  19. Black Zebra

    Seldom seen in the wild the Van Damme is a reclusive creature.

  20. tlmck

    Due to studio cutbacks, all filming is done by iPhone.

  21. “Wait…WAIT!” “No picture yet!” “Can’t…pull this….tree frog….off my…….penis.”

  22. Colostomy Bag

    After one particularly mighty blow, Lord Lucan was mighty displeased Kim K’s head remained firmly on her body.

  23. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock

    “If that Chuck Norris can have a Bowflex commercial, I want one too!”

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