1. “So, Billy, so listen, while the popcorn guy is filling my bag, he asks me how I’m doing. So I say, ‘Listen, you’re not paid to fucking ask how the fuck you think I am! What the fuck is it to you? I’ll tell you how I am, I’m shitty, because I’m standing in this line with my goddamn shoes half-stuck to the sticky-ass floor talking to some idiot instead of sitting court side with Billy Crystal! Yeah, that’s right! Billy fucking Crystal! ‘ And the popcorn guy says, ‘Forget Paris! He was a basketball ref.’ So I says, ‘Forget Paris? I never knew him in the first place!’ Fucking idiot, amirite?”

  2. Wow, Tommy, whatever happened to “a shake for breakfast and a shake for lunch, followed by a sensible meal”?

  3. Free_Speech

    Tommy Lasorda: “And I’m pounding this broad… ohhhhh! Bada Bing, Bada Bang”

    Billy Crystal: “You know I had myself surgically altered into a lesbian, right?”

  4. “This is the worst baseball game I have ever seen!”

  5. “Why did you bring me here? Everybody looks at me funny when I jerk off to the cheerleaders!”

  6. Tommy Lasorda is still ALIVE?

  7. A shake for breakfast, two shakes for lunch, a sensible dinner, three shakes for lunch…

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