Katie Holmes in New York City. (December 19, 2011)
Someone told her Tom Cruise’s true sexuality
“Look Tom…THAT man is kissing a WOMAN!”
Since when did she go from looking like a man to looking my crazy Aunt Susie. She’s aged about 30 years!
“…and then I say no you can’t have a juice box. You’ve already brushed your teeth. You wouldn’t the fit that happened. It’s like this every time he premiers a new movie. Poor little guy gets so would up.”
Off camera, assistant: “Open wide! Here comes the airplane!!”
“Look at how bad my blowjob face has gotten! I never get to use it anymore!”
No Katie, thetans are invisible…black microphones aren’t.
“What do you mean, 4 more years of THIS?!”
“…and then I was a Whopper flopper for 8 months, then I was made Assistant Manager. So I’m very good with customers and I know the difference between a chalupa and an enchirito. I can start Monday…”
“The volcanoes of Teegee what? Get the fuck out of here!”
She still has time to leave Cruise and become a hot little sex kitten. Some new boobs, a new attitude and a smile and she would be awesome.
Scientology is a tax exempt talent agency. Boom. I said it.
THAT’S what TCLTC means?
You’d think she’d get tired of people throwing popcorn in her mouth, but no. She’s well trained.
“How did Tom figure out my escape tunnel I’ve been digging for the past 5 years?!”
“And then I told him, if Xenu is in my head then you can go to…”
“Get out…the Kardashian’s staged the whole thing…”
So I walk in on those two and ask, “What the hell is the rubber fist for?” And Tom says, “I was punching the thetan out of Travolta’s ass.”
So I just figured that HE would have come out of the closet by now and I would have my career back.
T-minus three months until I jump up and down on the couch on Opra…er, Ellen.
She looks rough. She needs to wash the smudged mascara off her eyes and brush her hair.
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