1. Sorry to tell you that Simon, your facelift sucks. Sue the doctor!

  2. “What, me backwash?”

  3. cc

    Another smart ass asking me about my shitty show’s ratings…don’t these people know who I am?

  4. The Pope

    It appears that he doesn’t swallow like Kim does.

  5. JP-A!

    Pepsi: drinking cup trademark.
    Smug Pomposity: Simon Cowell trademark.

  6. “Yeah Paula, drink up… That’s right, it’s only soda”

  7. it had to be said

    Hey baby, wanna see my moobs?

  8. Colin

    That’s right. Simon always gets the biggest black microphone.

  9. “Just before the show I always drink a large glass of yesterday’s piss to set my mood.”

  10. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    Considering the time he spent broke and in his mother’s basement you’d think he’d be a bit more of a hero ’round these parts.

  11. Venom

    This guy is the ultimate tool.

  12. farting old man's wife

    He looks like the Grinch!!

  13. Do they use a framing square when he gets a haircut?

  14. “We’ve secretly replaced Simon’s Pepsi with a cupfull of Ryan Seacrest’s jizz. Can he tell the difference? Let’s watch!”

  15. squishy

    Is the label showing? Is it? Do I look hot? Do I?

  16. You know you want to titty fuck me.

  17. I see he’s drinking from “The Elixer of Douche.”

  18. DiddyK

    “are you lookin’ at my bum?…. cheeky monkey”

  19. Jerube

    ” ha ha … winning mutha fuckas …. cha ching all ova ya face!”

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