I found this thing in my attic. How many Vicodins can I get for it?
“Could one of you @#$@’ers point me to Hollywood Boulevard? I can do this myself!”
If it weren’t for the hair, Id’ve thought that was Bob Newhart.
They want to give me an award? …Me?!
Even he can’t believe it.
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I FUCKING *AM*??”
See. I’m still relevant. Wait… come back… please.
“No, listen… CAN – I – SNORT- IT?!”
“Could I _BE_ any more confused about what this award is for?”
Didn’t know his real name was “Murn Rx”.
“No, no, no. My name is pronounced PER-REYYY. It doesn’t rhyme with JELLY. Shall we try it one more time?”
“It’s me. I’M the star. Matthew Perry. I was on American television 20 years ago. Still never heard of me?
Fuck this country.”
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