1. There is something seriously wrong when he shows more cleavage than his female companion…

  2. cc

    TWO packs of menthol Kools…he’s not fucking around.

  3. All that money and the poor guy can’t afford buttons.

  4. “I take care of my bottom bitch.”

  5. You know how I know that baby was an accident? Simon always has that, “For fuck’s sakes” look about him and his baby mama always looks like she just won the lottery.

    Oh, yah… and because Lauren Silverman is fucking ugly.

  6. They should hang out with Kanye and Kim. The girls could giggle and laugh while the guys wallow in how fucked they are.

  7. Little Tongue

    Is he, like, really going out with her? I thought he had just IWD (impregnated while drunk) her?

  8. EricLR

    The only pirate with less dignity than a drunken Captain Morgan.

  9. Vlad

    Three rules that must be obeyed by a Mogwai owner:
    1) Keep it away from bright light…oh for christsake!

  10. Is that a mushroom bruise on his forehead?

  11. The heart transplant scar is healing well.

  12. Omigod, everybody. It’s Simon Cowell and Lauren Silverman, right here in Los Angeles. I’m so excited I could…oh, I don’t know…blink?

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