1. “Siri, where is the nearest In-N-Out?”

  2. “What do yo MEAN Disney passed??”

  3. “Siri, where’s my baby’s daddy?”
    *beep* “Planned Parenthood.”

  4. Hello – Alopecia Anonymous?

  5. crb

    “Operation Dumbo Drop is a go. I repeat, Operation Dumbo Drop is a go.”

  6. JC

    “You said the shinny bag would distract the eye.”
    “We may need a bigger bag.”

  7. tlmck

    The text message says “call us when you are hot again”.

  8. She’s obviously going someplace nice…she’s got her shirt tucked in for the occasion.

  9. Texting all of her old boyfriends to inform them that she finally bagged a man. They all breathe a collective sigh of relief.

  10. “Yes Doc, I’ve tucked my fucking T-shirt into my C-Sec wound – what part of ‘emergency’ don’t you fucking understand?”

  11. Voice of Reisling

    “I’ll take 100 pepperoni pies … ”

    “Ma’am, we’re not in the mood for a pizza-delivery prank.”

    “This is not a prank.”

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