1. Doll's Eyes

    I bought this shirt to be more like you. MORE LIKE YOU!

  2. justuhbill


  3. DimeStoreRiot

    First, it was a CHEESEburger, and second, you weren’t even there! Stop hassling the Hoff!

  4. Where the f*ck is your boss Captain Morgan?

  5. Marc

    The Hoff will eat a Cockatoo…or three or four…

  6. That bird is now legally drunk.

  7. SimoneDeB

    “I said SIT on my hand, not shit on it…”

  8. Unfortunately for the bird, some jokester edited the Cockatoo wikipedia page and said they’re full of bourbon.

  9. still hit it

    hey ..he thought they said “cocktail”….not cockatoo, maybe he’s trying to train it to fetch him a margarita

  10. dontlooknow

    The Hoff is not yelling at a parrot…it’s one of those birds that clean the teeth of hippos.

  11. zomgbie


  12. Lemmiwinks

    Cockatoo: “Hey David, I’ve watched that YouTube video of your drunk ass eating a hamburger off the floor like a million times… fucking HILARIOUS!”
    Hasselhoff: “AWK!

  13. JesusCan'tHitACurveball

    “Fuck you bird! My CAR could talk. That shit don’t impress me.”

  14. Dr. Hufurrrrr

    In the battle of wits, the bird has obviously won…much to the Hoff’s displeasure.

  15. Ivy League Procrastination

    Ozzy bit the head off that bat and everyone LOVED it… Maybe if I just…

  16. “AWWWK…SCREECH…Help…someone make this fucking loud-mouthed screaming drunk let go of my feet.”

  17. Cock Dr

    It’s ok, he’s just breathing on the bird. The whiskey fumes calm it down. It’s an olde ParrotMaster trick.

  18. MILF

    Everyone’s got a little Cap’n in them.

  19. Frunken

    He finally found a drinking buddy that won’t preach to him.

  20. The Pope

    “Baywatch Nights did NOT suck!”

  21. KC

    That bird has him pretty well trained.

  22. RHawk

    The Hoff will regurgitate some of its bourbon to feed the young bird.

  23. cc

    SHUT UP, you must have learned something other than ‘Barkeep, I’ll have another double.’

  24. sc4play

    Kids, pay attention! This is what drugs will do to you! Why do you think they call it dope?

  25. Fandy

    AAWWKK Don’t Hassel The Hoff, AWWK

  26. Ever since that shit happened with Roy, these celebs are being huge pussies about magic tricks involving animals.

  27. linds

    oh wow most of these comments are lame. I have nothing better, but I’m sure someone does

  28. The Brown Streak

    If Ozzy can eat a bat’s head…

  29. TomBrady

    “From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!”

  30. Samantha

    he’s just confused.. he needs help channeling his alcoholic rage is all.. someone sign him for mel gibson presents: flying drunken aggression release

  31. The Hoff, on his way to a street festival.

  32. Zombie Kitty

    Scooby snack?

  33. Rated R

    Don’t you patronize me!

  34. BalsyMM

    That’s right, Michael… that’s the bird that crapped on my windshield this morning. Show him who’s boss, Michael.

  35. Cartman

    Gimme back my hamburger you fucking bird!

  36. Meigan J

    I see David bought himself a new translator..

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