1. ty

    He tried so hard to marry a Demi look-alike.

  2. Occasionally, he reflects on his mis-fires… like Scout, Talulah, Rumer, Ashton…

  3. “Where’s that goddamn stork? I’ll kick its ass if it show its face around here again..”

  4. “Christ, here she goes with the Ashton Kutcher jokes again….”

  5. BEP1

    Look Out! Demi is about to jump!!!!!!

  6. guttboy

    Rockin’ the Puma GV’s…..Nooooiiiiiicceee!

  7. “Be kinder to this one’s face, alright?”

  8. Bigalkie

    Bruce Willis spotted with woman pushing meal ticket.

  9. He’s watching someone add “Now on DVD” to an Expendables 2 billboard.

  10. journalschism

    Him: “The Nakatomi Building is still on fire, honey!” Her: “Shut up”

  11. Dude, give her a hand with that fucking stroller. Be a mensch, fer chrissakes.

  12. “But you don’t think I look like a younger version of Demi, do you honey? Isn’t our baby beautiful? Do you think she’s the *most* beautiful baby you’ve ever had? Will you hold my hand? I think it’s important that the paps snap a picture of how much we love each other. Because you love me, right? More than anyone else? I’m your best friend in the whole world, right?”

  13. I wonder if Bruce has ever heard the song “Baby” by Stephen Lynch?

    (NSFW: Language)

  14. Joaquin ingles

    “May God strike me down if I don’t deserve this fine piece of a… Oh, shit.”

  15. EricLr

    Keeping an eye out for the Grim Reaper?

  16. Bionic_Crouton

    “Thanks for adding me to your will. Now keep your head up and cross the street. There are no cars coming I promise.”

  17. squishy

    Micheal Douglas called and he wants his clothes back!

  18. It’s raining ugly daughters.

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