1. Roughly translated, “dojo” means, house where fat man admires manicures.

  2. Steven is taking the “black is slimming” effect to the next level

    • Rasputin's Evil Twin

      At this rate, the “next level” is that of whales, submarines, and Kardashians. It doesn’t work for any of them.

  3. “If you like it the you shoulda put a ring on it.”

  4. How seriously can you take a dojo if the sensei is wearing a black denim jacket, jeans, a du rag and shades?

  5. cajunhawk

    In a single move I can shatter this man’s wrist in a thousand places…hold still while I…hold still…fine…if you can’t hold still then I guess you won’t get to see me shatter your wrist in a thousand places. I don’t need this shit…I’m Steven Seagal.

  6. If Steven Seagal gains any more weight, he’ll have to change his name to Kardashian.

  7. Ronaldo

    Well, at least he is not wearing that black rug he uses for hair


  9. someone

    “Just a splinter. Let me just go ahead and rip it out WITH MY BEAR TEETH!!”

  10. So, today his wig of choice is made of cotton?

  11. Short Round

    Now you… see. If… you drink toooo much… Cognac… and don’t pay attention… you can just twist here and… Oops!

  12. JimBB

    Okay, I showed you some martial arts, now where are those onion rings you promised?

  13. “But what if he were to come at you with… a RIPE BANANA??!”

  14. Minky Wail

    “And this move, this is why Kelly LeBrock can’t sign autographs anymore.”

  15. Seagal knows it’s easy to make a frenchman surrender.

  16. ksmack

    Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.

    Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!

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