1. Deacon Jones

    This guy is such a whiny pussy these days. He reminds me of the fat Jewish guys that used to come into the TCBY I worked at, order the biggest Shiver we sold, then complain about the price.

  2. Hickory, dickory, dock,
    I’m old and can’t use my cock.

  3. maoix

    “Little Bo Peep sat on my dick! OH! So anyway, Mom, where should we take Dad for Father’s Day?”

  4. He looks better in those Sprint commercials.

  5. renotastic

    You know they make Just For Men for sideburns too, Dice!

  6. Here’s a tip: discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.

  7. “Hickory dickory dock, I got a phone comin’ outta my cock.”

  8. Ronaldo

    Well, it was about time…..begging for change.

  9. buzz

    He didn’t actually pay $30 for an old timey handset for his smartphone did he? People already believe him to be a douchebag and that was free.

    • I don’t see a smartphone attached to that handset. I think he just has the handset. Don’t you feel foolish now?

      • Father Dougal

        I would hope so. I mean, sure, having an old tymie handset attached to a smartphone is pretty much the pinnacle of douche, but actually carting around an entire old tymie phone to use? Not douchey in the least, amirite?

  10. Serious question: what’s up with him and the gloves with the fingers cut off? Every day when he gets ready to go somewhere, he’s got to get dressed, slick his hairs back, make sure he’s got his pack of smokes, cell phone, tall socks and…oh yeah…I almost forgot to put my black leather half gloves on. I have to protect my palms.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …i just assumed it was part of his whole “gym rat” look that he’s been cultivating since the 90′s …it’s always baffled me that he wears all the muscle-guy accessories (like sleeveless ‘gold’s gym’ shirts), but he’s never been in shape …it confuses my brain.

  11. fred

    “Look douche bag, just put the quarter in the coffee cup and leave, okay. I’m on the phone over here. OOOOHHH”

  12. Looks like he still talks to Adam West….or Commissioner Gordon

  13. JimBB

    Three blind mice,
    They use a phone from Fischer Price

  14. JC

    And that’s when Clay realized that disguising himself as Terry Richardson was not a great way to find sexual partners. Not willing ones, anyway.

  15. Voice of Reisling

    This is a still from Wolverine 14.

  16. Is he talking on one of those children toy phones that has a face and four wheels?

  17. Flatliner

    Little boy blew…not because he needed the money, but because the church made him to.

  18. “Hello? 1990? Can we be friends again? I haven’t been the same ever since you left!”

  19. Is he pulling a Bowfinger with that phone?

  20. Ebeneezer Dice Clay

  21. Isaac Asimov hits the skids.

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