superficial

  1. dontkillthemessenger

    The only way this outfit can work is if he no longer has a penis. If you haven’t seen it in 30 years, it’s like you no longer have it anyway.

  2. Mayyyybe we don’t use him as a spokesman for the lap band surgery…

  3. P. Griffin

    …This is just like that one time I was Governer of New Jersey.

  4. Guys, guys…no need to compete. You’re BOTH the biggest Guido.

  5. “I do my governing from a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!”

  6. doritojoe

    The zipper in those pants is longer than the one in most sleeping bags.

  7. catapostrophe

    “Now Chris, when you say the buffet was ‘waist-high,’ what do you mean, exactly?”

  8. “No Chris, we’re not going to let you run for President. You’re fat and your views are middle of the road. We just don’t think someone like that can connect with the average American.”

  9. cc

    Dude…you needed bariatric surgery.

  10. Vladimir

    Opposing gut strategies; belt over vs belt under…

  11. I heard Urban Outfitters is coming out with a barrel on suspenders for their summer line.

  12. I guess he’s not wearing his monocle, top-hat and umbrella today.

  13. so if all the 2016 republican presidential contenders start pigging out, nobody will notice how fat he is.

  14. Kel

    “Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in the garbage state, huh?”
    “Still… could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood.”

  15. Senor Trout

    Unless he’s the dude on the right, I’m not sure I believe he had lap band surgery.

  16. Amazed

    Once Christie realizes he’ll never hold another elected office, he’ll take over for Snooki and Jwow in Jersey…

  17. Chris Christie: spokesman for the 40′s fashion revival.

  18. If he wins the presidential election in 2016, with Air force One be a barge?

  19. martian leader

    ‘yeah, lap-band is working great. i’m down to an eighty-four.’
    m

  20. Jenn

    If it’s the adjustable, he’s doing it slowly, which is better that the older ones that had the patient puking their weight out quickly and unhealthily. Give the man some credit for trying. None for those damn pants up under his pits though. Not one damn bit. Ugh.

  21. “Hey, yer honor, man…don’t, like, take that horseshit from that other fuckin’ dude. Like, punch him right in the face.”

  22. tlmck

    Chris Krispy Kreme.

  23. On the right: a waistline. On the left: a circumference.

  24. Jason

    Hey dude, you left your bib on…

  25. Pete

    Humpty Dumpty much?

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