superficial

  1. What court? The food court?

  2. He’s tiny huge.

  3. Yes your honor, those are shower sandals.

  4. If I was a judge I would rip him a new asshole. You have how much money to spend on a decent suit, or slacks and a button up, and you come into court (regarding your drugging and rape case, btw) looking like you rolled out of bed?

  5. maoix

    “Nobody gets this obese without being impotent, so I obviously didn’t rape her.”

  6. I gotta think his inseam is smaller than his neck size.

  7. coljack

    “Your honor, these charges are preposterous! Do I really look like the kind of person who shoplifted a carton of Twinkies every day for a year?”

  8. kravdan

    The camera adds 200 pounds, but hey black is slimming right…

  9. CptCreep

    This is a serious question, does he have some sort of disorder that makes his arms and legs shorter than a normal Oompa Loompa?

  10. some commenter said he looks like a microwaved turd, and they win

  11. Deacon Jones

    Little did the molten ball of plastic and aborted fetuses know, as it was poured into the sandal mold in a dingy Chinese factory, what lay ahead for it overseas.
    “I’m going to America!” it thought, as it read the shipping label that was slapped on its packing box by a skeletal child chewing tobacco.
    “…Los Angeles, CA..” it read. “Im going to Hollywood?? Im going to BE somebody!”
    And be someone it would. Someone that would take over 4,000 pounds per square inch of crushing blows by a pair of ashy, smelly feet that sweat profusely. Someone that had to be there, 2, sometimes 3 times a day, at the base of the toilet as its master forcibly moved his loose bowels. The residual splashes of water landing on its face.
    “I’m ruined” it moaned at night. “This is awful!!”
    But the road ahead was just beginning. And the road ahead was filled with a terror few of this world have known.

  12. anonymous

    I guess it’s fitting that his latest Elvis cover is from Jailhouse Rock.

  13. Pilin

    Ceer-Do Green

  14. I see he will be losing a foot in the future, followed by a round of insulin, and by a diabetics cookbook that won’t be looked at.

  15. fred

    I think I saw those sandals at Fashionable Male. Or maybe it was at the Big and Tall Woman Store.

    I can’t remember now.

  16. I guess his formal Moo Moo(?) must have been in the dry cleaners.

  17. Ewok Sith lords had mastered the Power of the F-bomb.

  18. Aunt Cracker

    Comfort trumps everything!

  19. “I told the judge, ‘I be right back. My bloodsugar is low and I need to go eat a Volkswagen’.”

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