1. “We’ll meet up later & I’ll show you what “Scientology” is ALL about!”

  2. “Like I just said to Andrea, thanks for kneeling.”

  3. I am very much looking forward to “Oblivion.”

    [Insert random Tom Cruise is gay joke here.]

  4. ThisWillHurt

    “Standing on my tippy-toes is killing me. Can I borrow your shoes?”
    “I’m wearing heels.”
    “I know. Can I? Please?”

  5. “Pssst. This other girl’s chest is all deformed! She’s all swelled up or something, bumps sticking out in the front. Should we call a paramedic?”

  6. “Do you have a brother?

  7. *psst*

    “This one in my right arm is already gone. She’s refused my advances and the Church of Scientology. Im having her “disposed” of. But, you…there’s still hope for you.”

  8. “There are sniper on the rooftops. If you look down at my pedestal, they WILL kill you..”

  9. Sure, any straight, single dude would stand right next to those boobs, and turn completely the other way and hide his head. Sure. TCLTC.

  10. “Your fully-clothed vagina is distracting. Could you please not have one or something?”

  11. I never would have thought being wingman for Tom Cruise was a good gig, but since he thinks the one on the left is the grenade, I’ll throw myself on it.

  12. Those two women are beautiful.

  13. “I like you better. Your body is more like a boy’s.”

  14. “How do you say ‘Please help me off this box’ in Russian?”

  15. Toe Jam

    “suck it, and you go OT 3 instantly”.

  16. dontkillthemessenger

    He must order from the same place as Russell Simmons.

  17. “Olga, I must have you… pull my car around you can’t miss it it is the Mercedes with the booster seat”

  18. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Is it Tom Cruise Loves The Cock, or Tom Cruise Licks The Concha?

  19. “I didn’t know they were unveiling your Madame Tussaud’s wax ficure today Olga!”

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