1. “Dude, get the fuck off me. Oh, and say hi to your mutha for me.”

  2. Deacon Jones

    “Mark….”The Happening” was a masterpiece…”

  3. “Listen, if you’re gonna pay me to impersonate Jason Statham as I penetrate you, I’me gonna have to ask for more money…”

  4. joe

    Alright. Pretend you’re on that plane with your kids. There will be some blood in the first few rows, but goddammit, we’ll make a miracle for those people.

  5. Fredical

    “It’s your turn to give the reach-around.”
    “What? Nooo!”

  6. Mike701

    Don’t worry it will only hurt a second. I mean, come on, this has to be how you got a record deal

  7. AC

    We both know, WHERE those beads belong, and it ain’t around your neck.

  8. “Hey Mark, it’s me, Father Flannagan. Remember at CYO summer camp that time that, well, I don’t have to go over it. But you remember, right? Well, in case anyone from the police asks you about that you tell ‘em you dont know nothing, Just like we talked about, you dont know nothing. Remember that.”

  9. Phoenix

    “Agent Funky. We need you. Terrorists have been spotted in the vicinity and we were wonder if you could take off your shirt.”

  10. Moo Cow Hunter

    Feeling perplexed Mark hired someone to whisper in his ears: You’re a secure heterosexual man. That incident in Tahiti never happened. How could you tell what was under that grass skirt. And the wet dream you had that night… perfectly normal.

  11. “I’m telling you, the Transporter movies sucked ass…shit, he’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

  12. EricLr

    What next will you show me, Ghost of Christmas Douche?

  13. broduh jenner

    matt damon two days in a row?!!?

  14. cc

    Dude, they might have an opening for ‘Mayor’.

  15. Buddy The Elf

    Hey look!
    It’s a creepy gay dude pretending to be married.
    And the guy that shot Jeter.

  16. The Pope

    “Mark, we’re all your family and friends here. But we have to tell you…you can’t grow a beard.”

    “Say wha?”

  17. “If i was at that embassy, I would’ve saved that ambassador, no sweat. We wouldn’t have lost a man that day.”

    “Mark, stop. Just stop.”

  18. And when they said to me, “We want Mark Wahlberg” in our film, I said “Certainly, but it will cost you ONE MILLLLLLLLION DOLLARS!” MWAH HAH HAH HA HA!

  19. Bigalkie

    Hey Doc,

    This prostate exam feels funny.. And how come both of your hands on my shoulders?

  20. Bionic_Crouton

    “Before we fight these guys, I have a confession to make. I’m not Jason Statham… I’m Moby.”

  21. 1NDUN

    Statham: “Yeah, can you feel it, baby? I can too
    Come on swing it Come on swing it Come on swing it Come on swing it
    1, 2, 3 Now we come to the pay off
    It’s such a good vibration It’s such a sweet sensation”

  22. Jamriqua

    Agent Double M – Ova there is an Al Queda operative. No! Don’t look! Jesus act casual! Now, you know what to do – break it down. America is counting on you sir!

  23. Happy_Evil_Dude

    John Malkovich looks different somehow

  24. Dave

    Jony Ive tries to tell Marky Mark about his new iMac design.

    “It’ll have a single chassis, and the parts will all fit together, very… closely… like this.”

  25. YAAR

    “I have bad news, Mark. They didn’t say hi to their mother for you.”

    “Oh my God, what?!”

  26. Kevin Morgan

    “Shit Donny, I told yew neva to sneak up on me like dat widout your ha-a piece on. Ya freaking me out! How’s Maaa?”

Leave A Comment