“Dude, get the fuck off me. Oh, and say hi to your mutha for me.”
“Mark….”The Happening” was a masterpiece…”
“Listen, if you’re gonna pay me to impersonate Jason Statham as I penetrate you, I’me gonna have to ask for more money…”
Alright. Pretend you’re on that plane with your kids. There will be some blood in the first few rows, but goddammit, we’ll make a miracle for those people.
“It’s your turn to give the reach-around.”
Don’t worry it will only hurt a second. I mean, come on, this has to be how you got a record deal
We both know, WHERE those beads belong, and it ain’t around your neck.
“Hey Mark, it’s me, Father Flannagan. Remember at CYO summer camp that time that, well, I don’t have to go over it. But you remember, right? Well, in case anyone from the police asks you about that you tell ’em you dont know nothing, Just like we talked about, you dont know nothing. Remember that.”
“Agent Funky. We need you. Terrorists have been spotted in the vicinity and we were wonder if you could take off your shirt.”
Feeling perplexed Mark hired someone to whisper in his ears: You’re a secure heterosexual man. That incident in Tahiti never happened. How could you tell what was under that grass skirt. And the wet dream you had that night… perfectly normal.
“I’m telling you, the Transporter movies sucked ass…shit, he’s right behind me, isn’t he?”
What next will you show me, Ghost of Christmas Douche?
matt damon two days in a row?!!?
Dude, they might have an opening for ‘Mayor’.
It’s a creepy gay dude pretending to be married.
And the guy that shot Jeter.
“Mark, we’re all your family and friends here. But we have to tell you…you can’t grow a beard.”
“If i was at that embassy, I would’ve saved that ambassador, no sweat. We wouldn’t have lost a man that day.”
“Mark, stop. Just stop.”
And when they said to me, “We want Mark Wahlberg” in our film, I said “Certainly, but it will cost you ONE MILLLLLLLLION DOLLARS!” MWAH HAH HAH HA HA!
This prostate exam feels funny.. And how come both of your hands on my shoulders?
“Before we fight these guys, I have a confession to make. I’m not Jason Statham… I’m Moby.”
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