1. I heard that he started using the patch to help fight his addiction and that its working pretty well, he has cut back to only a few butts a week.

  2. Nice taint tickler!

  3. cc

    There’s someone on the phone for you…says his name is ‘Ramone’…he wants to speak to you in person.

  4. Icehawg

    Dear John,

    Reminder : you like vagina.

    Love, Kelly.

  5. Taking over the role of Mauricio in “Shallow Hal Returns”

  6. EricLr

    Siri has taken to just replying “There is no help for you. Please stop talking to me.”

  7. He’s taken the “Wooly Willy” approach to hair and facial hair styles, I see.

  8. Need an e-meter reading on the go? There’s an app for that…
    Gay conversion? Not so much…

  9. Tidbit

    “Siri,… find me balls.”

  10. “Siri, can you tell I’m wearing a rug?”

    “Yes, John. It looks horrible”

  11. Adam Frawley

    Chia pet hair ?

  12. Bigalkie

    Yo Vanilla Ice!

  13. zomgbie

    psst- john u got some uh… masseur pubes on ur chin there.

  14. Green Meanie

    Did…..did his chin sprout a vagina?

  15. Deacon Jones

    He’s like that magnetic bald guy in the 80s that you could use metal shavings on to paint beards and shit

    • “Wooly Willy is a toy in which metal filings are moved about with a magnetic wand to add features to a cartoon face. The toy was originally…launched on the toy market in 1955.”

      I was born in the ’80s + I had this toy = toy must have been invented in the ’80s!

  16. tlmck

    So he goes into the toupee salon and says “gimme the Shatner”.

  17. Pah!

    I see he’s growing a replica of his action man-fuzz head on his chin.

  18. Mr. Poop

    “Siri, find me the closest gay masseuse”

  19. What’s on my wallpaper? A hot chick! Wiiiiiitthhhh… boobies. Yep.

  20. Joe Blow

    Aw look, Eddie Munster done went and grown up.

  21. Come on Vinnie! What would Mr. Cotter say?

  22. “I’ve gotten a million massages from a million guys and they all meant something.”

  23. contusion

    I bet, when he takes that wig off his head, it looks like a furry pot holder.

  24. Harrypapers

    This is the very definition of a lustfull cockmonster

  25. meeps!

    Wooly Willy: The Movie

  26. Little Tongue

    Does anyone know if it’s possible to dye turf rugs?

  27. Radadoon

    Get your new “John Travolta Chia Pet” this Christmas. You simply water his head and he assualts massueses!

  28. MFer

    John Travolta’s hair disturbs me.

  29. I would have expected a man of his persuasion to tie a full windsor knot.

  30. Vlad

    Had a little bit of hair left over from his toupee fitting…cost too much to throw away…aww, what the heck, just slap it on my chin….waste not want not.

  31. “Note to self: trim soul patch. Act interested in wife’s day. Pick up dog food.”

  32. glam

    He just needs a hoop earring to finish off this look.

  33. Oz Matters

    Must be quite scary going down on him, only to look up and see the eyes of a winged beast head staring back at you.

  34. Ronaldo

    He is checking out some guy’s package. Taking a photo of it as well.

  35. Buddy The Elf

    “Siri, where is the nearest Home Depot that has Krylon Black #3 in stock?”

  36. Sir Sharts-a-lot

    “It is your own real hair; you wash, you cut it, you swim with it.”

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