“So my daughter and her friend Paris once bet each other who could take the biggest penis.. Paris won by a mile… I mean.. it was just this big…”
And I tell you, if I ever get a chance to be with a Kardashian girl, I’m gonna stick my hands out like this…..and get me some….
“And then I was like, “I’ma gunna eats a sandwich this big!’ and people were all like, ‘No Lionel, no! It’ll take you 7-10 years to eat a sandwich that big. You’ll disappear from the public eye and people will totally forget about you.” And I was all like, “Nu-uh… I’ma gonna do it. And I did. I did eat dat sandwich.”
It helps to have a seriously unhinged jaw that swings alarmingly to and fro.
Vampires tell their kids to behave or Lionel Richie’ll get them
“So how big is the container of Jheri curl activator you keep in your dressing room?”
“I told her my dick was THIS big, and the bitch threw a baby at me and ran off. So THAT’s why my daughter is white, now are there any other questions?”
“When you are this big, it really does take ‘All Night Long'”! Get it, because I have that song, ‘All Night Long’, so its funny, right?
Gene Wilder: “If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to why don’t you go where fashion sits…”
Lionel Richie: *clap clap* “PUUUU AAAUU RIIII!”
Holy crap, did you see that picture of Christina Aguilera’s ass on the Superficial?
No Jon Hamm jokes this late in the day? “I’m coming to join ya, Elizabeth!!”
“HELLO! IS IT HULK YOU LOOKING FOR?”
Da bitch hit me with a pan this big.
Oh my Geeerrrd! We’re Derncin’ on the Cerlin’!!!
“She had a Great Big Asss, Like that kardasian whore !”
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