1. CrashHell

    Someone tell that ballerina to get off the Twitter!

  2. George P Burdell

    She is silently wishing Benjamin would stop texting Chris Hemsworth & Kat Dennings asking to be part of their threesome.

  3. Twitter update: Still banging Natalie Portman. #winning

  4. After seeing Kat Dennings’ giant cleavage all night, going home to Natalie Portman filled Ben with severe disappointment.

  5. she just leaks liquid frigid cold

  6. JimBB

    Anything to avoid having to actually talk to her is probably a good thing.

  7. Bonky

    “cant chat w/u Apollo, takin the beard 2 dinner. miss u, want u, hugz, Benji”.

  8. cc

    Prior to marriage – Can’t stop checking out her boobs and ass
    After marriage – plays Candy Crush

  9. “This is SO boring! Everybody is, like, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie! Why doesn’t anyone pay attention to me? Oh yeah, I forgot, I’m nobody. LOL”

  10. “Zeees beeesh eeees steeeeel twying to make ze sex weeeth meee.Zut alor!”

  11. SHIT BABE! i just got ANOTHER one of those texts that say “Jews run Hollywood and that frigid bitch Natalie Portman is the prime example because there are 500 hotter girls at my local mall” again! What should I do?

    Ignore it, hon. Just like you ignore the fact we never have sex.

  12. “Sorry, gotta go. About to go see some movie with the bank machine. Don’t forget to live text me everything that happens on “Girls” tonight”.

  13. Dox

    “Siri…. nearest exit.”

  14. Madonna will not stop texting me.

  15. “Dammit, I’m positive there is a two-fer-one coupon on line somewhere.”

  16. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Benjamin obviously trying to ignore his body double in the foreground, hoping not to draw Natalie’s attention to him. Her finding out would spell immediate doom for his gay trists on the weekends, events for which his double covers his absence at home.

  17. *Googles* artful (yet effective) ways to avoid wife’s vagina

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