1. “Thank you Diego, this will give me many hours of pleasure in ways you can only imagine.”

  2. EricLR

    Wow, this is a real honor, senor [tosses it in trash as he walks off stage].

  3. blerg

    The last guy who sucked my dick wasn’t this gay

  4. Inner Retard

    That’ll do, Diego. That’ll do.

  5. “This of course is my second favorite beard. Deb, honey, this is for you!”

  6. He really likes inspecting the goods, doesn’t he? Very hands on.

  7. “For those of you with weak stomachs, you may want to avert your eyes to what happens next.”

  8. The Pope

    “You wouldn’t believe how this tickles the thighs!”

  9. “You fools, if I was gay, would I be able to stroke this manly beard, ever… so… gently?”

  10. “If I were gay, would I comment on how much his beard feels like a pussy while he’s blowing me? I rest my case, your honour”.

  11. “Now, ladies and gentlemen, as utterly amazing and totally unbelievable as this is, if you will pay close attention, you’ll see me pull a diamond out of this man’s ear…and then watch as I run like hell.”

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