A tool who works on classic cars.
“Now just when you thought I couldn’t screw Dave anymore… I bent him over juuuuust a titch more…”
Holy shit, Ted Kennedy is back.
Ted Kennedy and Kelly Osbourne’s love child.
And you’d think I’d have to hold her head under the water like this–but I didn’t; she drowned right there in the car!
“So I swear, Danny De Vito came up to like here on me!”
Looks like Reese Witherspoon is healing nicely from the accident.
“Sorry I’m late folks, #6 was just blowing me behind the stage”
“For our first act today, we’re going to have Peter Dinklage come up here and, just for shits and giggles, beat the living hell out of Verne Troyer.”
No – really. Conan is only this tall!
The jeans and sport coat means he’s cool.
“And I was like, ‘Imma let you finish, Conan. Oh wait, fuck you.'”
What was it, three laps around his chin?
Why was he presenting medals at a sporting event in the first place? If he manages to shit, take a shower and remember to shave in the morning, that’s a triathlon for him…
Nothing says cool celebrity like orthopedic shoes.
The bitch forgot to buckle his belt back up after she blew him… And then I patted her on the head and told her she did a good job.
I was going to give these medals out but, no, I’m keeping them all instead
“No shit, people. Snookie is THIS tall and doesn’t know how to work a belt buckle… “
Jay’s really rockin’ the mom jeans.
Someone needs to explain to you what mom jeans are.
Jay Leno: still fat and not funny
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