NO, Justin! Get those french fries AWAY FROM ME!!!
“Gwyneth, this is Chrissy, she’s that 10 year old girl from Catholic Charities I told you abo-”
“MEAT-EATER! MEAT-EATER! I can SMELL her, you FOOLS! Get her away from me!!!”
She looks as plain and dry as a Nilla wafer.
The most beautiful woman in the world?
”Stop confusing me with Cameron Diaz !!”
It’s All Good?
Is her next book going to be named, “Mama, Is Dat Cornbread Gluten Free?”
“No Shallow Hal DVDs!!!!”
Some *EX* security guard just let a commoner come within touching distance!
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch
“Snatch” is right.
For the last time, Mr Danger, that is not the type of “IT” I write about.
From It girl to Cousin Itt
What. The. Fuck.
IT”S NOT ARTISANAL WHOLE WHEAT BREAD! TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!
“Fuck off, bitch! I only autograph handmade stationary made from cruelty-free Tibetan rice pressed with the tears of unborn fetuses! And they have to be rich European fetuses, not some common American fetuses!”
“Shall the band play another Coldplay cover Ms. Paltrow?”
“NO!!!!! I”M THE WHITEST WHITE GIRL EVAAAAARRRRRR! GOSH!”
Wait, the people in East Hampton know how to read?
“This is not the Montblanc pen I demanded !”
“Wait, is a non-Ivy League American speaking to me!? Is that a gordita? Gunther, euthanize me.”
Vinnie Delpino works at the Library now. Doogie can’t throw him the occasional bone?
They misprinted the title of her book, it should read “it’s all about me”
“I’m All Good!”
STORAGE WARS IS ON, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY OF THE FUCKIN’ TV!
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Gwyneth Paltrow at the East Hampton Library's Authors Night 2013 in East Hampton, NY. (August 12, 2013) -Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN