superficial

  1. Eric

    Man! The latest Ironman suit looks like shit.

  2. cc

    It runs on her farts…she hates to waste them.

  3. Short Round

    This can’t be her. She’s standing. That’s manual labor. And where are the young virgins throwing rose petals before her feet so they don’t touch the ground?! See, it’s not her.

  4. That muscle cut on her leg and flash o’ underbutt is making me want to grudge fuck the priss out of her

  5. JimBB

    Because Apple can’t just ride any old scooter. She absolutely must have a vintage Italian Vespa–fully restored with llama wool seat covering.

  6. if she cuts off another bus there may be Apple sauce.

  7. PassingTrue

    It took her half an hour to find a parking spot in the “uncoupling” zone.

  8. Gwyneth: These damned remanufactured Vespa ignitions. The originals never bound down like this. Now we will be late to the mother son Sivananda yoga festival. My mind-body consciousness connection is starting to strain. I need a lavender water to take the edge off. Hand me my mystic crystal iPhone case, would you sweetie? Mommy needs to call her transcendental meditation sponsor.
    Go-Bot: Somebody kill me now. I don’t deserve this. Meep.

  9. Gwyneth: “See this, darling? No fuel is required for our vehicular transport! That’s because it runs on Mummy’s pretentiousness.”

    Apple: “Mummy, why is Daddy smiling all the time now? He never used to smile at all.”

    Gwyneth: “Shut up, darling or Mummy will lose you on the next curve.”

  10. “This contraption must be defective. I filled its bladder with organic cashew oil but this morn while your quote unquote father read it a new study on the medicinal properties of quinoa-based clothing.”

  11. Eagerly trying out January Jones’ new driverless moped design.

  12. Anyone remember that song ‘Everything about You’ by Ugly Kid Joe?

  13. She’s looking for the button to put the window down so her kid doesn’t die inside a hot vehicle while she runs into the store.

  14. At least it has a rack on the front to strap her kid to.

  15. “Trying to start this scooter in the Hamptons is like being in a war!”

  16. Why did this pretentious asshole have to be so attractive.

  17. “Gwyneth,fer fuck sake get on with it. It’s not that complicated. It’s like a bicycle except you don’t have to pedal and it goes faster.”

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