1. Dude

    And not a single fuck was given that day.

  2. doogleberg

    Nothing says “Max Muscle Training Gear” like Starbucks and a smoke. Hey, it works for Kirsten Dunst, right?

  3. Who’s his trainer, Britney Spears?

  4. Artie Fatbuckle

    Hey, it’s Ford Fairlame.

  5. It had to be said

    Hickory dickory dock, Dice man looks like cock . . .

  6. The Diceman falleth.

  7. The Pope of Cleveland

    Hello? 1990? Please pick up! Oh!

  8. Abby Normal

    I like how he’s pretending to own a cell phone by holding a cigarette pack to his ear. Yes indeedy, ADC has still got it!

  9. Deacon Jones

    “WaitaminUTE! You’re sayin’ I’m not an Italian? A, a fucking Jew, are YOU KIDDIN’ ME?!”

  10. WilmaMankiller

    Damn! So sad Gene Simmons is down on his luck!

  11. hbw

    Hickory dickory dock, he now sucks dick for rock.

  12. Turd Ferguson

    No matter how far he falls, he will NOT give up the Elvis Blue Blockers.

  13. Sodomy_Is_For_Girls

    Mr. Dice Clay went out one day
    And sat himself down on the block.
    He thought with a shock:
    “I could suck dick for rock!
    But that would make me look totally gay.”
    So he put his phone to his ear,
    And said with a sneer:
    “I’m fuckin’ dyin’ here”.
    His agent responded:
    “Don’t be so despondent!
    Go fucking kill yourself!”

  14. TomFrank

    “So if Jeremy Piven passes, they’ll call me next?. . . Then exactly how many before they call me?”

  15. Savalas

    “Yeah, I dropped an application in last week for the womens accessories department, and I was wondering if there….hello?…hello?


  16. Crapass

    “I can’t believe it, even Bababooey is ignoring my calls!”

  17. It’s not often that you see Elton John not all dressed up, but at least he kept his trademark glasses on.

  18. KC

    Andrew Dice Hairplugs

  19. I always thought it was funny when women would flash him during his shows and he responded, “What? You think I ain’t never seen tits before?” He still does see tits, except now it’s when he looks in the mirror.

  20. A word for all you aspiring comics out there: once your career tanks, there’s always the opportunity to be a fat, bald, depressed Elvis impersonator. Keep reaching for that rainbow!

  21. cutthecrap

    Wow, Ben Affleck looks like shit!

  22. DeucePickle

    Remember when this guy was freakin’ hilarious ?
    Me neither.

  23. fuckoff

    AJ Mclean really let himself go.

  24. justuhbill

    “My hair! My hair!”

  25. Jovy

    At least we know where Ke$ha gets her unholy body from.

  26. vlad

    the secret to my fashion? two words: comfortable shoes!

  27. dontlooknow

    Holy shit! Hahahaha!!!

  28. CharmlessMan

    Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
    I don’t feel like rhyming, you always sucked.

  29. duh

    Andy andy, broke as a dandy. Lives off smokes and liquid candy.

  30. Steelerchick

    Dude!! Where’s my hair.

  31. sasha

    I really thought he was dead.

  32. Brennan Haley

    “My career? I fucked it – Aoooowwww!!”

  33. Little Miss Muffet, sat on his tuffet, enjoying vanilla latte. Along came a bum, stinking of rum, who he BLEW BECAUSE HE NEEDED THE MONEY! DOOOOOH!

  34. Hickory dickory dock ……… Kill Me

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