1. “I know what you’re all going to ask,” Johnny said to the gathered press. “Why am I not wearing a tie? What? Oh you were actually going to ask about my missing sleeve?”

  2. Swearin

    Waiting for his pre-interview heroin injection

  3. Ah, good. He remembered to wear his 3-D glasses.

  4. …and he’s on his way to an accessories trade show on behalf of American Eagle Outfitters.

  5. “Yes, Johnny, you are too old for this shit”

  6. “I’m fucking Amber Heard. Your arguments are irrelevant.”

  7. Showing off his latest fashion trend Deppend, cause it’s full of shit ..

  8. “If nobody is going to ask about my ‘Robotology’ tattoo, I’m just going to put my sleeve down”

  9. I assume “Transcendence” is the story of a man who transcends from a teenage hollywood actor into a being of pure douchebaggery.

  10. He probably paid someone $2500 to make his hair look just like mine looks when I fall out of bed after an extremely long night.

  11. Suddenly, I feel like cleaning my nonexistent vagina.

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