1. ultra

    and when i had my prostate exam, he did his finger like this and i started yelling like this.

  2. That’s not part of his speech. Someone just hit the pause button on him…

  3. “And I knocked on that door and said, ‘Let me in!’, but Steve Freeling wouldn’t let me in. I got him later, though. That worm-in-the-mezcal trick always works!”

  4. “I’m at a restaurant and the waiter brings me soup. I tell the waiter ‘I can’t eat this soup…You eat it!’ He says ‘Why not…Is it too hot, to cold?’ I say ‘Would you just eat the soup!’
    Finally, the waiter says “Fine! I’ll eat the soup! Where is your spoon?”
    I said “Ah ha!”

  5. And so the squirrel says, “SIT ON THOSE TWO SPIKES??!!??”

  6. JimBB

    “And that’s when I told that motherfucker: Look, I don’t give two shits if there are people in line in front of me, I’M THE GODDAMNED VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!”

  7. “So then he dropped the presidential towel and I shit you not, it was THIS BIG!”

  8. I’LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. JungleRed

    OK, whoever flicks the paper football into my mouth gets to ride on Air Force 2!

  10. The premiere of the Joe Biden wax figure at the recently open Madame Tussaud’s Hall of Vice Presidents..

  11. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Joe Biden: “Do as I say, not as I do!”

    Other politicians: “Hear! hear!”

    The Proletariat: “Sharpen the guillotine.”

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