1. That reminds me—I have to polish my shoes.

  2. “Kneel before me, you lowlife cretins! And bring me a corned beef on rye.”

  3. Andy Samberg has the best Nic Cage impression ever.

  4. Tom Cruise's Magical Penis

    How accommodating for Nic Cage to pose for a red carpet shot the police can also use for his next mug shot.

  5. Frank Burns

    “Can you loan me $50 until payday?”

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