1. Is that the one Jolie used to fuck?

  2. jep

    “Son, did you ever find the pencil I left in my car?”

  3. Shifty

    “Merman! Merman!”

  4. He takes him with him everywhere he goes. It’s a public service to us all to make sure he doesn’t wander off and shoot up a movie theater full of people or something.

  5. “Made out with your sister lately?”

  6. Jenn

    They’re both just fucking weird.

  7. Vlad

    Daddy, watch me ride this scooter.
    Son, that’s not a scooter, it’s traffic cone.

  8. “Do you love me dad?”
    “Not even a little.”

  9. “Let’s go have a word with those assholes at the canteen. If my baby boy wants the crust trimmed off his pb&j sammiches, then he GETS his crust trimmed off his pb&j sammiches!”

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