1. You have to be an epic asshole to ride a jet ski with this amount of smug.

  2. ThisWillHurt

    “You wouldn’t lie about being on the pill. Would you, $40,000 jet ski?”

  3. I wonder if the lifeguards have a great white douche warning system.

  4. donkeylicks

    Did his moobs pop open the first three buckles or was he simply unable to buckle them in the first place? It kind of makes you wonder.

  5. Riding to shore with his chest hair and moobs flowing gracefully in the breeze, life doesn’t get much better that that.

  6. I guarantee that Ride of the Valkyries is playing in his head right now.

  7. “Mmmm….just like riding Mariah.”

  8. What a fucking douche.

  9. Buttons…how the fuck do they work?

  10. This is like Eastbound and Down if Kenny Powers were a bigger douche.

  11. Cut it out you guys, you’re just jealous. Thing does zero to douche in nothing flat.

  12. Vlad

    The opening credits to Douchewatch

  13. Rochefort

    Maybe if he stopped buying things two sizes too small he might actually be able to properly fasten things like a life vest or a condom.

  14. He just makes me laugh so much and I don’t think he is meaning to.

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