1. ThisWillHurt

    “Stop it! If you two don’t behave, I’ll find you a new babysitter: January Jo- That’s more like it.”

  2. CK

    Keep dreaming kid, that wasn’t no spider bite!

  3. “Really? You’re parents named you Ruby and Otis? Jeeze, what a couple of fucktards.”

  4. Swearin

    15 more years and a modeling contract and she’ll be just right for Leo

  5. “Hey Toby, does..does, uh your daughter have a cell phone?”

    “yeah, why?”

  6. “Look here kid. Interrupt me again when I talking to the Victoria’s Secret model, and you’ll bet more than an Indian burn.”

  7. Dad! Jonah Hill just yelled at me that he was going to replace me as your new son and then punched me in the arm and ran away.

  8. Everyone in Hollywood knows that when DiCaprio catches you accidentally looking at a circle he made with his thumb and finger, he’s not fucking around. Kid or no.

  9. Vlad

    *sniff* it never hurts me when my daddy punches me in the arm.

    yeah, well, your daddy’s a pussy.

  10. “So, see, Leo, it really is fulfilling to be a parent and see the joy in their eyes, the love in their hearts, and….”

    “I broke up with Bar Rafaeli because I met someone hotter.”

    “Never mind.”

  11. “But I told your brother not to ask me again about the Oscar!”

  12. Andrew

    ‘See, that’s what happened to the last kid who recognised me with my beard, glasses and silly hat! So kid, do you recognise me? I said, DO YOU RECOGNISE ME!!!????

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