Oh shit, now some paparazzo is about to have a really whiny song written about him.

So Lilly Allen is selling sunnies now?

“Nonono please… they are yours… for free… no charge… just please don’t sing about me.”

wait, so he broke up with you and then you wrote a song? How avant-garde.

No Miss Swift, it’s just a magic trick. See my thumb is still attached…

She’d fit in perfectly behind the counter of the make-up section in Macy’s.

“I just… I mean this is exhausting, you know, like…”

I bet she only wears them at night.

Yeah, nothing to see here. Plain Jane all the way.

They all broke up right after this picture was taken.

With her record of poor choices in men, she’s like Kat Von D, without the tattoos.

It rubs the lotion on itself when it is told to rub the lotion

“So, these are the new magic glasses where I *won’t* fall in love with every guy I lay eyes on, right?”

“Alright, now when I turn my head, you try to grab your tip from my hand.”

“OK, so just to confirm; you want a sweet, sweet looking, round firm butt. To go?”
“Yes, and can you please hurry? I don’t want anyone to know I was here.”
“No need to worry ma’am. Here at ‘Ass Hut’ we guarantee your butt done in about an hour.”