1. “later, I had all those hookers whacked, as well as all the witnesses. It was a beautiful December.”

  2. Spleen

    As if he has one, metaphorically speaking.

  3. “Grrrrrr. And then I told Little W, that’s what I called him, ‘Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.’ And the rest is history.”

  4. The personification of evil.

  5. ThisWillHurt

    You know how your parents would tell you not to make faces too long because they’d stick that way? This is what happens to your face when you’re too evil for too long.

  6. I said “Luke I am your father”. He didn’t take my word for it. He said I was just trying to get attention.

  7. “Good. Gooood. Retirement has been good. After my last apprentice threw me down an air shaft and my second space station was destroyed by rebels, I did some serious reflection about my career choices and decided to get simple government job in another galaxy, which of course turned out to be Earth. Very similar to Naboo, Earth…except you call Gungans ‘African’ and they don’t live underwater.”
    ::crowd boos and hisses::
    “What? You mean George Lucas has never been to Naboo?”

  8. well now that i have the wonderful miraculous gift of a functioning heart, i cant wait to go out and shoot some innocent harmless ducks just for the fun of it.

  9. window

    People think he had a heart transplant, but that’s not true. Actually, he had one installed.

  10. I think someone should go to that event and arrest him for war crimes. BAHAHAAHAHAH

  11. Swearin

    “What part do I miss most? I’d have to say the war profiteering. No, wait, the White House chefs. Actually, the hunting at Camp David. Nevermind, definently the war profiteering.”

  12. “So I put my hand over the villagers chest and chanted ‘kali ma…kali ma…anyway, that’s how I got my new heart.”

  13. journalschism

    “Too many goddamn soldiers still alive in this town.”

  14. Father Dougal

    All the evil of Darth Vader, sure. But the face and mannerisms of Batman’s Penguin.

  15. “I really like nothing better than being out in our garden, at sunset. That’s where I can reflect and – Hehehe. Just fuckin’ with you. My favorite thing is crushing puppies with my bare hands.”

  16. crb

    “So I says, ‘WAAH WAAH WAAH WAAH, GOTHAM CITY IS MINE, YA HEAR?! MINE!’ The rest is a blank, then the A/C cuts off…”

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