“Which one of these watches is displaying the correct time? Goddamnit! This is maddening!”

Have you ever seen a pelican eat a fish?

I hate sitting near this kind of guy. You took a dump. I get it. Sheesh.

Antonio, the auditions for the restaurant scene for When Harry Met Sally have been over for awhile now. Let’s move on amigo!

Do you know how I now he doesn’t have testicles?

YES! I’m finally out without that bitch, Melanie!

He smashed a nut when he sat down.

He won the pretzel eating contest handily.

He’s got a neck penis.

So…they put all of the skin from Melanie’s face lifts onto his neck. Waste not, want not, I guess.

The old “pretend to yawn, then put your arm around the person next to you” trick. I’m onto you, Scarfy.

Poor guy. Swallowed a whole yardstick and no one took notice. I’ll bet it’s painful too.

“I wish I had four arms so I could be even less certain what time it is!”

“Now ARISE all you believers…Jayzuss healed the sick and raised the dead (hmmmm…you suppose he can fix my penis?)…and in His name I say ‘You are HEALED! Arise, and walk!’

“Oh shit…sir could you help that guy up and hand him his crutches please?”

Wave fail.

Is he part Kardassian?

Hey! Wanna see what Melanie’s crotch looks like?!