1. JimBB

    A real superhero wouldn’t be afraid to play in traffic, son.

  2. Johnny99

    January liked to surround herself with as many blonde women as possible, in the hopes that little Xander would get confused and mistake one of them for his mother.

  3. Remember what this kid looks like. It won’t be long until the Greek authorities find him in a Gypsy camp just outside of Athens.

  4. “No touching!! What did Mommy tell you about showing affection?!”


    “No. NO! It gets you NOWHERE! Keep walking!”

  5. “And when you awake, you will think that Angelina Jolie is your mommy. You will awake when I count to three. One…two…”

  6. dontkillthemessenger

    These are the best clues we’ve had as to who his father is.

    - The shirt indicates Chris Evans
    - The pants indicate whoever is playing The Flash
    - The shoes indicate a large group of douches

  7. fred

    “Mommy wants to put a nail right here. Yes she does. And she wants to hit it as hard as she can with a heavy hammer. Yes she does.”

  8. Cock Dr

    Jan should probably eat a sandwich. It might put her in a better mood.

  9. “You look like Captain America’s shield. You like Captain America, right? Cap’s shield is indestructible. Mommy’s gonna throw you at traffic and catch you when you come back. Ok?”

  10. I’m not going to tell you again, sonny, stop fucking following me.

  11. She’s touching him with what appears to be genuine affection. Maybe the Mayans were off by a little bit?

  12. Minky Wail

    The kid is cute and all, but who would have ever guessed that David Spade, Martha Stewart, and Heidi Montag hung out together?

  13. The Middle School Gym Teacher look was all the rage in Paris this season.

  14. When did she switch bodies with David Spade?!

  15. Not in those boots, you’re not, kid.

    PS: Sorry about the whole mom thing.

  16. Westcoastdude

    Either she is really pigeon-toed or she’s plannng on being the holder and the kicker

  17. cc

    Ask for ice cream again and I’ll pluck out your eye.

  18. Captain America and his bitch.

  19. LLBL

    “Little boy, where is your mother?”

  20. “Where is that goddamn off switch?”

  21. Hey, David Spade is mistreating that boy!

    Who are we kidding, Spade would show much more kindness.

  22. crb

    What is Captain America’s shield, sonny?

    -That’s right: Indestructible.

    So now, mommy’s gonna go piss of Thor, and when he swings that hammer at her, she’s gonna hold you right up in front of her to stop it, because you’re Indestructible!

    Okay, ready?…

  23. Schadenfreude

    She didn’t realize it was a Captain America shield. She thought she was buying a shirt with a bulls-eye on it.

  24. “No, you stay here, with your new blonde mommy.”

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