1. caley

    “So nice of you to attend, Mr. Cruise!”

  2. But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of “you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!”

  3. “This is where my “Bosom Buddy” co-star Peter Scolari’s career took a dump after the series finished.”

  4. “How nice to meet you, Miss Reid; may I lend you a hand?”

  5. I’m surprised Tom just grabbed Manti Teo’s girlfriend’s ass in public like that.

  6. Dox

    Apparently he was trying to lend Mr. Banks a hand…..

  7. Clint Eastwood has an invisible chair, Tom Hanks has an invisible ass to slap. Is this a Republican thing?

  8. Mooby

    “And pleased to meet you, Mrs. Wilson!”

  9. Blob

    “A Mr Tom. Hanks, Majesty. The ac. tor.”

  10. “Relax, people. I’ve carate-chopped the killer christmas tree. Everything is under control.”

  11. Deva

    “Well, what the dickens are you doing down there my third Oscar chances?”

  12. Auditioning actors to play Wilson in a Castaway remake:
    Hello, Mr. Dinklage, I’m Tom Hanks…no, no…wait…Yo, Dinklage, Tom Hanks here…ahem…ahem…Hiya, Pete, call me Tom

  13. Phoenix

    Tom Hanks is Jewish?!

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