Wow, and I thought the expression “big enough to choke a horse” was figurative.
“This is how I got Eric to propose.”
No, that would be a picture of Jessica showing Eric her bank statements.
turkey waddle – check.
This is the part where she unhinges her jaw and eats a whole chicken.
not pictured: Jedi controlling her left hand
Bring me the head of a pig!… from the rest make me a sandwich.
“Then the chicken bone got stuck right here…right here! Who knew you weren’t supposed to swallow them?”
“I don’t know what it is. Ever since I got married, this whole part of my mouth and throat just clinches up if I even get the slightest look at my husband’s dick.”
“Just relax your throat… That way, the Hot Pocket just slides right down.”
Seriously, is she pregnant again? Why is she still fat? If Kim can loose the weight than so can Jessica. Kim looks great it pains me to say because I dislike her. Wth Jessica get it together
Geronimo AND his wife had less blankets in their wardrobe.
fewer, not less.
You are correct sir. dammit.
“A lot of people were talking about me having them but I thought they were talking about Jewish owls, and I’m like Helllooo I’m a Christian! If I had any kind of owls they would totally be chowls.”
“Sometimes, when I’m in the shower and I tilt my head back too far with my mouth open, I almost drown.”
I don’t care if she is still overweight. Given half a chance and I’d be all over her like hot on jalapeños.
“I know right? Sometimes I’m so annoyingly stupid, I wanna choke me out, too!”
“It’s this new diet I’m trying. Whenever I start to eat Tracy Anderson grabs my neck like this and keeps squeezing until I spit the food out or black out. I black out a lot, y’all!”
“No, that’s a common misconception; I actually store the food in pockets *right here* until I can get back to the nest.”
“He was ‘down there’ for so long that when he finally came up for air he had grown a goate.”
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Jessica Simpson in Newport, Rhode Island. (October 12, 2013) -Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN