1. YAAR

    “I don’t always act like a douchebag but when I…wait…actually I kinda do”

  2. Anastasia Beaverhausen


  3. EricLr

    Coincidentally, there was also a formal dance that night at the local high school.

  4. tlmck

    I figured Sergio would be worn out after the Ryder Cup.

  5. dontkillthemessenger

    I would like to personally invite all the girls of Our Lady of Sorrow 2017 graduating class to a party at my hotel room tonight.

  6. Allison Wunderlan

    This is the man who gave Lindsay Lohan her first penis and her first drink……. simultaneously.

  7. Gabe Kaplan

    “Let me show you to your table…”

  8. He’s an utterly evil megadouchebag and possibly a drug dealer (purely my own speculation based on where the fuck is he getting all that money to dress and buy ugly rings and go places and hook starlets) and his middle-parted hair is beyond stupid and I’m ten years older than he is and I KNOW all of this in my bones and I would still sleep with him. God, I suck.

  9. Oh, look he’s wearing the new pedo tracker ring.

  10. “I’m lookin’ for a new chort…do you people have any ’55 Chevy Nomads?”

  11. “I don’t always have sex with girls. But when I do, I prefer them underaged. Stay thirsty for underaged snatch, my friends.”

  12. wurst

    “oh eric what a glorious man-ring”

  13. XGL

    “That’s what I love about high school girls. I get older, and they stay the same ~ age ~”

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